Fire Bastards of Zodiac – Aries – Comical Horoscope

Slow-witted and power-hungry villains. Boastful liars. The ignorant know-it-all. And those are not most mean qualities. They consider themselves versed in all areas of activity, understanding almost nothing, everywhere galloping on and penetrating no essence. A man of this kind will try to attract your attention as the greatest expert in a required area of ​​expertise. Your task is not to fall for his bait, and do not forget that he usually is full of muddle. For studying, Aries Villains are too lazy and primitive, and their tendency to showing off has no boundaries.

Villains associated with the fire signs of zodiac try to show their superiority over you in everything and always will inform you about it. Over time, they will remind you of it again, wanting to make sure that you aware of it.

Do not try to argue with them, otherwise, they will behave in their usual manner calling compassion. They will start yelling, waving their arms, be covered in red spots, and you can imagine them rushing to the floor – and even convulse. Five minutes later, they stand on their feet as if nothing had happened. We may call it quick temper, as well as there is a vast field for crazy.

Aries (21.03 to 20.04)

Aries Villain is not only by horoscope a ram, but is a ram in life too. He knows only how to through. His stubbornness can be raised to obscene proportions; and in combination with the aggressiveness it turns into a fulminating cocktail that constantly threatens to explode and sink anyone who has the imprudence to be nearby. His own will is not that strong as he claims to be, but he is incapable to follow somebody’s else will, and would rather  beat his ram’s head against a wall. This bastard is not aware that it possible to bypass a wall, or, at least, look for a door …

Aries Villain thinks of himself as of a dying species of men called “real man.” He might even believe that if a man buys scented candles, he is likely to a frequenter of boys clubs.

If he learns that your ex used to turn on Vivaldi in the evening, preparing you a lovely soufflé, and or watched with you “Podium”, he almost certainly try to co vince you that your ex was gay, and certainly not Aries. but if you watch him is dolled to pieces if he goes to a bar himself, overturning the “cup” in a circle of friends, who are no different from him himself.

All Aries men gladly hang out in pubs with friends. When they get tipsy, without hesitation they begin to be very sentimental. In truth, you’ll find that right in front of you is a basic example of latent homosexuality: your chosen Aries villain will spend more time with other guys hugging and kissing than you.

Money shall not be trusted to Aries villains, – or they will drink them, lose them, plant them, and you won’t even notice, how and where money were wasted. You have to give him a little out of pocket expenses as to children at school, or you risk him being left without funds. These bastards are prodigals.

Imagine, you need to manage to be alone with Aries villain in a confined space. In this case, it is best to smile as much as possible, and you need to nod at regular intervals, because you will not have a chance to open your mouth. Be ready for hours listening about him and how cool he is; or about his problems; he will tell you everything about his little family, all of his health, career, his athletic achievements; and beautiful stories will flow out of him as an endless stream.

You are especially unlucky, if you have to listen to the tales of his sexual conquests, where his arsenal of a real man naturally does not count. These stories eventually cease, because sooner or later you will see for yourself the modesty of his sexual energy. Then he will replace his stories of conquered women’s hearts with grumbling and complaints about lack of understanding, general unfairness of life and particularly injustice of women. I do not know what will be harder for you to take.

Despite os his apparent lack of sexual stamina, Aries villain feels obliged to pursue hapless ladies with a persistence of a primitive man. So do not portray yourself as an unapproachable lady – this will only provoke him. Remember, he fancies himself a super-man.

His diligence to win your favor resembles of a behavior of a gorilla. Won’t you be flattered to wake up at three in the morning to see his cute face that sticks out in your bedroom window on the fifth floor? Especially if at that moment you entertain with a man of your dream – one hundred percent heterosexual.

Meanwhile, always true to himself, he begins to convince you, that he is in no way jealous and possessive; completely devoid of pretentious. He simply likes a notion of loyalty and devotion. Of course, this applies to you. No matter what you do, Aries Villain will be loyal and devoted to you as long as he sees perfection in you. Nevertheless, he will constantly remind you that you do not have his high qualities….

And here you will encounter the little-known fact: Aries for women is not only a gift of God, he is a God himself… And we all know what happens to those who do not believe in God, however, after a few years of dealing with Aries Villain … So hell may seem quite an attractive option for you. You will like to hear about you that you do not know how to drive a car (actually, not just you, but everybody else except him); that your hear is a mess; that you don’t have enough brains, and stuff like that; – then an alliance with an Aries Villain could be a suitable alternative.

Funny enough, but he is not expecting criticism form you. This hypocritical dork only points to your missteps, but never guess what a lousy sad sack he is. So don’t bother to tell him about his weaknesses, because if you do, – irony inevitably will slip away from him.

So, if you are happy when you are told what to do, how to do and when to do, then this type of villain is definitely for you. When you need to use your brains, for these moments, you need to send him further away.

If you are decided to leave Aries, do not expect that he will take it with dignity. To behave nobly is your goal. In a game of life Aries Villain is not capable of “adequately losing”, as in any game at all.  If you win over him in some uncomplicated card game, like “fool”, he will definitely try to explain that this game is not an intelligent games and all depends on luck. But if you suddenly lose (which is unlikely), he immediately would start to tell you that “fool” is an analytically difficult and intelligent game that random win is improbable.

Remember: if suddenly he behaves humbly, it simply means that a task given is rather complicated and he needs to strain his frontal lobes. Do not worry, this will pass soon, and once again, he will turn into a bustling and violent lout. You should always show your gentle feminine nature, as not to hurt his gentle ego, or not to scare him off.

A Very First Date

Aries Villain will likely to take you to a zoo to introduce his relatives, or to invite to a private party, and he will instruct what you what to try, how much to drink, and he will be shocked if you try to open your mouth for something else not related to meal.

A First Kiss and More

Whenever. If Aries Villain does not have noble intentions, he will try drag you to bed. If he likes you, he will offer to sleep with him, and if he still likes you, when you wake up, he makes a proposal. Do not be surprised if  forgets it.

When you Start Talking About Marriage

Never even think of it to do it. Speaking of a marriage is a prerogative of a man. You can relax and enjoy your independence as long as you have it. You are ahead of years to regret the fact that you have abandoned your independence.

If he leaves you

Forget him. Aries villain is not able to admit he was wrong, especially to a woman. Unlikely he comes back to your arms, exclaiming that it was all a big mistake. If this happens, it is only because other women he tried did not want to mess with him.

If you leave him

Aries Villain will not leave you alone, and as it never occurs to him that you have neglected his incredible animal magnetism. Run and do not stop running. Sooner or later he will stumble and fall.

He is of a character of a Reversed Tower in Tarot cards.





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